I’ve always been convinced that I am a 24-year-old who needs to be 30, like ASAP. I struggle almost everyday painting a picture of the person I am today, the person I want to become soon and the person I want to be a few years from now.
There are constant pulls from so many directions whether that be people, articles I read, movies I watch or conversations I overhear. Be vegan, do yoga, get married, don’t ever have kids, be a redhead, don’t eat dairy. You get it. Everyone is bombarded with this stuff, but lately it’s really causing me to slightly panic. What is the best decision? For me? For my relationships? For my work life?
I am stuck between so many different desires and longings. It’s always been a personal problem. I envy those who know exactly what they want and don’t get distracted. I want everything. I want to stay up late with friends and then get up early to go to yoga. I want to wear lululemon everyday and also want to own every piece of JCrew clothing. I want everyone to be my best friend and want everyone to leave me alone. I want to move to a new city and also stay in Des Moines the rest of my life. I want to have a lot of money and I want to work in nonprofits. Nothing is concrete right now other than knowing the simple things that make me happy. And maybe that’s what I need to focus my energy on. The day-to-day joys of life. The simple acts of kindness and meaning that encourages others and give hope. The friendships that fulfill both parties.
I just have to wonder if someday it just clicks. Like, yes, this is my path. This is where I’m heading. This is exactly what I need to be equipped. Or is it all just going to be a jumbled mess forever?
Am I overthinking all of this? Because truly, I’m a happy camper. I see the light in almost every situation I’m in. I just know I have one shot at life and don’t want to look back and say shoot, I missed it. Or wow, I wasted three years thinking this was right for me.
My little piece of direction below