It would be a lie if I said my first few weeks on my entrepreneurial journey were absolute bliss.
As I document the journey in my Everyday Entrepreneur vlog, I’m intentionally not sharing pieces of my story that are too complex, too deep, too painful, and all too real.
While I believe we need to share life in the trenches, I also believe it’s important to talk about painful experiences when we are healed, not when we are hurt.
My challenge in even finding the words to craft this post show me that pain is hard to write about because it manifests so differently. Sometimes it’s anger. Other times it’s empathy.
It’s made me ask myself…
Why do people act with such vengeance?
Why is this happening again?
Why do I allow others to impact my emotions?
What could I have done differently?
Why… why, why?
Experiencing this pain had made me want to run in the opposite direction.
It has compelled me to give boatloads of grace to people because we are just people. We show up as best as we can. Even with our sickness. Even with our broken relationships. Even with no money in our bank account. Even with a baby who doesn’t sleep.
This pain is making me want to ensure every single human I interact with is more joyful, more seen, more heard, more supported because of my presence.
While I’m in the trenches, I’m allowing myself to feel all the feelings. But I will not allow myself to stay there.
Despite the confusion and the “why’s” that can bubble up, I keep coming back to this quote from my Tumblr days (yep, that was college):
The true mark of maturity is when someone hurts you and you try to understand their situation instead of trying to hurt them back.
Experiencing pain has made me stronger.
It reminds me how much I never want anyone to feel less than because of my words or actions.
It reminds me that our time on this planet is so precious and it is worth it to love people well.
Processing pain and moving forward is messy. Instead of avoiding the negative emotions that come with pain, I’ve given myself the space to lean into it. To express it, rather than hide it.
My only intention in writing this post was to put words to this experience that I wouldn’t be able to on video. It’s imperfect, kind of all over the place, and quite frankly, the best I could do today.
I write about this moment in my life because I believe it will connect me to people even more. And I know there are people out there who will resonate and not feel so alone. We’re in this together, friends.